CHARACTERISTICS OF ABUSERS

• A major characteristic of the abusers is their ability to deceive others.  In front of everyone else, they are cool, calm, charming and convincing.  They will appear to be the most devoted and caring partner anyone could ask for in front of others.  In the beginning, they will appear to the victim.
• The abuser was abused as a child or witnessed it in their own family.
• Abusers are extremely possessive and jealous.  They experience an intense desire to control their mates and others.
• For a male, his sense of masculinity is dependent on their partner being totally submissive and dependent on them.
• Abusers often have superficial relationships with other people.
• Abusers have low self esteem.  They have a need to be accepted by the majority.
• The abuser has a great capacity for self deception.  The abuser projects blame for the relationship difficulties on the partner.  The abuser denies the need for counseling, because there is nothing wrong with him.  The abuser will not want her getting counseling or may deny friendships with people who see the abuse.  The reasons there would be no problems if she would turn to him, be more open, etc.
• He may be described as having a dual personality.  He is either charming or exceptionally cruel. 
• The mate is usually a status symbol or there may someone else to be the status symbol.  

written by lilpetBrat 2001